Of buggies and carriers

Well, and today that M is turning 11 months we have assembled the stroller and used it causing a wave of opposing feelings to beat on me.
M always used to complain a lot every time we tried to use the stroller and I felt stupid pushing it while wearing her so very soon I took on to wearing her all the time and forgot about the buggy.
M is getting a bit heavier and after feeling a bit weak last week today I decided to give the stroller a go.  It felt so very odd to have her look at the landscape and me push her without being able to see or touch her face. I must say I absolutely love to carry her.
Surprisingly she seemed to enjoy the stroll -around the garden. Well, for the first ten minutes...
I have realized that this doesn't really work for us, it is not the way we relate to each other, and it makes us both feel strange. She needs me as much as I need her and it is absurd to push a baby who screams because she needs the comfort of her mother's body while feeling empty because I am used to wearing her close to my heart.
As long as she needs it and my strength is enough, we will go on using the baby carrier.