What's new: sharing

It's been two weeks since I last wrote a "what's new" post and I feel there are many new things to mention these days. To start with, M seems to be growing taller. On Monday, I noticed she couldn't reach the floor when trying to ride a motorbike some relatives gave her. Today, Thursday, she was able to tiptoe when straddling it in the same position. Her two friends have been about 2 inches taller than her for several months but today I noticed the difference is growing shorter. Although size is not my main worry and has never been, I am really happy she is growing up. I always used to be among the smallest of my peers -not that I am a big lady now anyway...- but being from May and quite an extrovert it was never a big issue. M seems to be a bit shy plus she was born at the end of the year, so we sometimes worry about her being so beyond the average in height and weight.

On the other hand, she is really verbal and can express most of her experiences and feelings. For quite a bit now, we have been working on how to express her feelings to other children instead of crying or just going away from the situation. This week it was the first time I heard her vocalize that she didn't want her friend (L) to take away a book she was about to open. The way she did it was in the third person, but we were all glad she talked to L herself and not to me saying that she didn't want L to take something away. This has been a step forward in a process that started with her first interactions with other children when she would cry when other children would approached her too much, take something off her hands, or the like. Fortunately, we have had very little to do with children who hit.

Concerning language, I know I am always repeating the same and I don't want to sound boastful but M amazes me everyday. Her constructions are more and more elaborate each day. Last week I wrote down sentences such as "mama has gone there far behind", "li ensenyarem el bebè a la iaia", "mama wants to put pigtail Marina". She announced on Monday that her friend L "was coming tomorrow", and the following day she said "L gone to the park today". I know at her age time is a very abstract notion but I guess she mimics my speech excellently 'cause both statements were right.
She often says "X is coming" to express that she would like to see that person, and she has started to associate people -and animal- with places. Thus, Clara is in Mataró, with the turtle, and other people who are there too.


Sharing from the heart is something I start to see. We have never told M that she "should" share her things. We believe this act has to come from the child's heart and not from obeying a rule grown-ups invent. However, we have neither told her that the objects she has at home or she plays with are exclusively "hers". Whenever a child comes home, she doesn't object to that child toying around with her things, except when she has the item in her hands at that moment. By sharing, though, I mean the pleasure of doing something together and that's what seemed to happen on the picture below. M and L were eating the same ice-cream in peace while the rest of us (5 adults and another toddler) were eating ours, and nobody seemed to notice except for the photographer...

Play dough and horses

The best of my intentions to keep an updated journal of our journey in homeschooling* is beaten once and again by a general lack of time and state of tiredness. At the beginning of the week I try to stay until late preparing activities and creating materials but these past evenings I have just fallen asleep while putting M to sleep. That's ok. We have been doing some activities that were not exactly planned but which thankfully turned out all right. 

Getting ready to make play dough: the process in itself was a nice activity

I sometimes feel a bit disappointed I am being unable to keep it all up but I guess that is what being pregnant of a second child while the first one is under 2 years means. Some days ago, my dear husband took M to the National Museum of Art to give me some time to rest. When I saw the photographs I just regretted I had not gone with them. The rest did me a lot of good, though. 

Here is M staring at some paintings at the MACBA

Fall seems to be creeping in. I hadn't really noticed it was getting cooler but after some rain last night it feels like autumn today. I even got my boots out and was happy to find that unlike my summer sandals, the boots still fit my feet. Am I the only pregnant woman out there whose feet seem to have grown? I have been wanting to set up an autumn tray but as of now we only have some pineapples, a tiny pumpkin and a butternut squash. My idea is to create a nice sensory tub for M to play with. We'll see if I get it before it is so cold we can call the season "winter". I still feel comfortable with the weather but I think summer is my favorite time of the year. However, I can admit there is a special beauty in Spring and Fall that other seasons may lack. And yet, funnily, my two children will be "winter kids".

Today we had the first meeting with one of the midwives that might assist us in our son's birth. I am finally starting to visualize this birth and we feel a delivery at home is the option that would suit us three best. One of the reasons I can't bring myself to picture a delivery in a hospital is that M would be left out of the experience and we would have to be separated for more time than we have ever been. As I feel it, this is an experience we don't want to have, if we can avoid it. 

On a weekend festival last week M got the chance to ride a horse for the first time, and a really tall mare it was (notice my husband's head peeping over the horse's withers. He is 1,83 m tall //around 6 feet). I was very excited and delighted to see that she wasn't a bit scared, she just enjoyed it.

Riding a horse for the very first time

In the language department, we have seen some qualitative changes in the way M expresses herself. She is able to construct longer sentences and surprises us with structures such as Subj+verb+object or with the correct use of conjugations (gos dorm // gatets dormen). She is good at describing what she sees. While in a park she told me the other day: "that moto(rbike) falling", and some other day "boy eating chocolate". She often uses sentences including "to" for purpose, specially when she wants to do something or to go someplace "to see papa", "to see Lila -her friend".

She is starting to use some adjectives as well as in "red shoes", "soft pillow" or "black glasses". Her use of connectors such as "because" is still a bit erratic but she surprised me the other day saying "because mama". I've heard her using "enough" and"like" for comparisons, which are also novelties. But the most incredible sentences, in my opinion, were "these girls jumping to eat sausage", "aquestes noies què fan?" qui és aquest bebè?", "meves sabates són aquí sota", and "petita Marina banyat la piscina" (6.9.2012). I wrote down the date 'cause I was really impressed. She seems to retain sentences she has heard and to repeat them afterwards. Her use of pronouns is upside down, "I" being "you" and the other way round. However confusing, I think we are managing to understand her most of the time.

* After some reflection, I have considered it necessary to clarify my use of the concept of "homeschooling". I wouldn't like to trigger a debate around schooling, unschooling, and so on, so I'd better explain myself. M is only 20 months old so it is not really accurate to refer to what we do as "homeschooling". I do it only out of a necessity to give a name to what we do and the thrill of being the one who cares for M development and education. It is truly uncommon where we live for a toddler of 20 months to stay home with a parent, so I have sometimes felt compelled to justify my position. This might be silly but being able to prove all we do makes me feel I am justifying a whole way of raising kids and showing people that staying home doesn't mean "doing nothing, or letting your kids watch TV all day". Well, we don't even own a TV set, ahem...

The pleasure of bedtime

Some weeks ago I would have never imagined I would write a post under such a title. It took me a great amount of meditation to come over the frustration that giving up putting my little one to bed had thrown me in. Shortly after we weaned, we found out that the only and -at the time- probably best way of helping M to sleep was pacing up and down. Since I was generally tired and carrying weight was not the most recommendable thing for me to do, the daddy took over. For nearly two months he had been putting M to sleep and I really felt frustrated, not only because I missed those snug moments with my girl, but mainly because she had started to reject my presence during bedtime. Every time she said "mama no, mama no", my heart would break into pieces and I ended up feeling rather sad. I know these things do happen but I had never thought it could happen to me and I was determined to find a solution. The daddy was not happy with the situation either and pacing up and down the corridor, even the garden twice or three times a night was not his favorite activity, of course.
Around a month ago I made my mind up and went away for three days, that is three nights and three naps. I knew that could be a totally crazy thing to do but inside I felt a great conviction I would be able to manage it and who knew, we may be able to establish an easier bedtime routine. I nearly forget to mention that during those two months Marina dropped many naps and that, as you can imagine, didn't help at all. She was waking between one and four times a night.
The first night we were away from home, without daddy, it took me nearly two hours to get M to sleep. I know, it is a lot but I was so very happy she had not complained, not rejected me, that two hours felt like ten minutes. Although it was a bit tiring, I was able to put her to sleep three nights and three naps. Besides, she more or less slept all through the night with eventual awakenings to drink or go to the toilet. On the third day, the daddy came to pick us up and we went back home.
With some exceptions, I have been sharing bedtime with M ever since and we are all happier. We both seem to enjoy our newly adopted routine, which includes shadow play, singing lullabies, and caresses. Many nights the last thing M says before falling asleep is her "mamma" in a sweet tone. She seldom awakes during the night and wakes up very refreshed from a good night sleep.

Up to here it may sound like a love story with a happy ending but the best is yet to come.
During the first months of pregnancy I was not only feeling rather sick but also guilty. At the beginning I felt Marina was too young to have to share my/our attention and as time went by my mama-guilt feeling grew towards the other direction, I feared the tiny baby growing in my womb would feel displaced since once the sickness and tiredness was gone I didn't think much about him. All that time I was craving for a feeling of balance. It was not easy to come to terms with the fact that we would have a baby without having planned it at all. However, a good friend of mine kept repeating that a sibling was the most precious present we could give M and in the end she convinced me. I was no longer feeling guilt, which was fine but now I didn't find it easy to connect with my baby. I was so committed to preparing activities for M, being with her, teaching, bringing her places... The surprising thing of it all is that the one who has brought me back to center and helped me connect with this wonderful baby growing inside me is my beloved 20 month old daughter.
Everyday, when we lay in bed singing lullabies and whispering, she asks me to see the baby (read belly) and she caresses it while gently murmuring "baby, baby". Her sweetness and open-heartedness have convinced me it will be fine to have two to take care of. I am so very grateful for her teachings!

GIANTS!

It is a tradition in nearly every town in Catalonia to have giants and this summer M got acquainted with it. At the beginning she was all excited about the idea of giants but when we first went to see them in person she was terribly scared of them. She was afraid of the loud rhythms, the fireworks they make along the way, the noise, and whatnot. Any time they were in sight she would beg to go away, so after three attempts, we quitted the festival.
Nevertheless, she kept talking about giants, asking us to sing a typical giants' song, to draw giants, and so on.
A month afterward, we happened to be at another festival where there where giants and loud music and she wasn't so scared, just taken aback. After that, she was even more excited about giants and has kept it up for the whole summer.
Tomorrow is going to be our third time and I just can't wait to see her reaction. Will she be delighted? terrified again?

Is there anything that has captivated your children this summer? What is it? Do they have ambiguous feelings towards the thing they are attracted to? I'd love to know!